When Soft Toys Attack!

Statutory Warning: This post contains explicit content. Parent’s Discretion is advised.

It was usual Tuesday afternoon. I was enjoying my coffee with ummm, chicks flashing on my computer screen. Damn! I should not have clicked the advertisement. After a while I was bored and decided to get some chips for myself from the kitchen. Spotty sat right behind me on the couch doing what he does best, relaxing. He looked all calm and cool as usual, but little did I know what wad going on in Spotty’s evil head.

(Image 1: The Culprit)
Spotty, as the name suggest is a pet dog. People at home tell me it’s a soft toy, but I have seen that bastard come alive. We had got him just a few days back as he hung on the discount counter of the Big Bazaar's sale shelf. Discount, did the trick. My sister found this thing very cute. Coman, people girls always like soft toys no matter how much they deny it. So, my sis liked it and she picked it. May be my denial to take him home fueled the bitter rage in Spotty. Not insulting enough, he could be bought at half the price.

(Image 2: Minutes before the attack)
It was late afternoon. The house was quiet, I moved to get my daily dose of junk food. Chips, kurkurey, rasna nimboo-pani you name it people. When I moved for my first session itself, I could sense something unusual. Spooty had move to the other end of the couch. I was wondering what it could be. But, who cares about soft toys. Without any further delay, I went to kitchen to grab my comp food waiting for me. As was returning I seen a shadow moving. No-one was in the room, except Carmen Electra’s wallpaper, my portable porn and my MP3 player. It never even striked me about Spotty.

(Image 3: The Battle)
I mustered all the guts, could be Carmen Electra come to life, even better Mikayla from the portable hard-disk. Suddenly, they was a ferocious roar, silent enough thou. It was not Carmen, it was no hot Mikayla, it was Spotty. It jumped on my back, the attack strong. I was struggling. I didn’t know what was happening. I was fighting something soft. Was it Carmen, I thought again. But, hikkies don’t hurt. Suddenly, my fixation reached the couch. Spotty wasn’t there. I knew it was this soft bastard. I pulled him by his ear, he grabbed me by my……leg. It was Man v/s Beast. I really wonder who’s the beast here thou. I missed my balance and I was on the ground. Spotty was on top of me. Naah! not what you guys are thinking, it was a wrestling match. After moments, I was on top of Spotty. Again, not what you are thinking. Spotty already had a brown eye, I was planning to give him a black one…ahoooo!

Chew Chew Chew, rang the bell. (Yeah! it’s not ding-dong. It’s got some bird chirping as an alarm). Spotty suddenly got normal. He gave up his battle. My sister was back home. I knew he will always listen to his master. Faithful jo hai saala. I was astonished by his insane behavior. As my sis entered the room, she seen Spotty being crushed with my right hand. She was furious, Spotty motionless and I expression-less. I got the scolding of my life for touching girly soft toys. She kept Spotty on the couch and continued to blast at me. Behind her back I could see Spotty laughing his guts out and showing me the middle finger. All the firing and cross-firing came to an end as she settled for a promise from me not to touch Spotty ever again. People, I never touched him, it was that punk who started the shit. But, who’s going to believe me. I was left with a scar that could not be healed not could be understood. Spotty and me still got the Chatis-ka-akda. I can still see him smiling, but one day dude you going to get old and I’m going to burn you alive…hehahahaha. Waiting for that day, Spotty……

Lesson Learnt: Barking dogs seldom bite. Including Soft toys.
(Image Courtesy Nokia 6300)